Let’s be real, fellas: gay men are Olympic-level overthinkers. We can take the simplest situation and turn it into a full Netflix mini-series in our heads. Add body image insecurities into the mix, and suddenly a perfectly fine relationship starts to feel like a house of cards built on an active volcano.
You know what I’m talking about:
Your boyfriend takes a little longer to text back. Your brain: “He’s obviously scrolling through Instagram shirtless hunks right now and realizing he could do better than me.”
You catch your reflection in bad lighting. Your brain: “Great. I look like a melted Ken doll. No wonder he doesn’t want to cuddle tonight.”
He compliments a guy at the gym. Your brain: “Pack it up, boys, it’s over. I’ll just move out while he’s at work.”
Why We Do This
Gay men grow up in a culture that tells us we’re not enough—too skinny, too thick, too hairy, not hairy enough, too old, not masc enough, not smooth enough. Then we log onto social media, where every other man looks like he’s on the cover of Men’s Health after living in a gym for six months and eating nothing but chicken and tears.
No wonder we carry those insecurities straight into our relationships. The problem? Overthinking and body image issues don’t just hurt us—they put cracks in the foundation of something beautiful. Constantly worrying if you’re attractive “enough” makes intimacy feel like a test instead of a connection.
The Funny Truth (Because We Need to Laugh at Ourselves)
Look, if your partner wanted a professional underwear model, he’d be living in Milan with someone named Luca who drinks espresso out of a thimble. But he’s not. He’s with you—with your laugh, your quirks, your messy hair, and yes, that body you keep criticizing but he keeps reaching for in bed.
Half the time, our partners aren’t even thinking about the things we obsess over. You’re spiraling about your “love handles,” and he’s just hoping you’ll stop overanalyzing long enough to watch the movie and maybe… well, put those hands to good use.
How to Break the Cycle
Say it out loud. Instead of stewing in your head, tell your partner what you’re feeling. Nine times out of ten, they’ll reassure you faster than you can say “protein shake.”
Challenge the lies. When your brain says, “I’m not hot enough,” respond with, “Well, someone seems to think I am, because he’s in my bed right now.”
Limit the scroll. Stop feeding your insecurities with a diet of abs and filters. Curate your feed with body diversity and men who radiate confidence no matter their shape.
Focus on the love, not the lighting. Your boyfriend isn’t counting your abs; he’s counting on your loyalty, your laughter, and your ability to share nachos without hogging the cheese.
The Empowering Part
At the end of the day, your relationship doesn’t need a flawless body—it needs a present, confident partner. Insecurities are human. Overthinking is human. But letting them drive the bus? That’s how you crash.
So breathe. Trust him. Trust yourself. And remember: love doesn’t care about your waistline—it cares about your heart, your humor, and whether or not you’ll cuddle him when his feet are freezing at 2 a.m.
Now stop spiraling, put your phone down, and go remind your man why he chose you. (Hint: it wasn’t your ability to take shirtless selfies.)
